There is still love, my son

I have just read Anounseh Ansari’s Space Blog and cant help but feel an overwhelming respect for this woman who had the courage to walk her dream and make it come true. More so with the fact that it started a revolution with the X-Prize Foundation in private spaceflights.  “An X PRIZE is a multi-million dollar award given to the first team to achieve a specific goal, set by the X PRIZE Foundation, which has the potential to benefit humanity. Rather than awarding money to honor past achievements or directly funding research, an X PRIZE incites innovation by tapping into our competitive and entrepreneurial spirits.. “ This is what the world needs – something to spur *and fund*  human ever lasting thirst to excel and explore any human potentials..   I didn’t start this posting today in getting a personalized spaceflights for my honeymoon – I cant afford it, heck I cant afford my own car L besides.. i doubt it would benefit anyone except maybe for Malay politicians who, like perpetual-image-enhancement-hungry wolves, would sniff on anything that can be blown out off proportionate to cater their political mileage… btw, i do hate politicians and in my eyes, MPs are Monyet Parliament that provide us cheap, sickening, slapstick dry-humor – only if u can appreciate ‘em. Anyway.. what tap into my inner-self was when my 5 years old son asked me “Mama, kalau Mama meninggal, Daniel jadi anak yatim
kan? Anak yatim kena tinggal dekat asrama,
kan?” ( translation : “Mom, if you died, I will be an orphan isn’t? Then I have to stay at the orphanage, right?”) This question made me stop breathing for a few seconds. I knew he was in some kind of pensive mood sometimes, looking up at the full moon (he still believed that his father still there, trapped in a space-craft – unable to return due to lack of fuel), watching other kids playing with their parents.. I knew he’s gonna ask some rather grown-up-deep-thinking question. I didn’t know that it would be staggering. 

After a while – need to catch my breath and do some panic-i-need-to-get-the-answer-thinking, slowly I explained that I am sure his aunties and uncles would take care of him, and that everybody love him regardless. Then the next question, “Habis tu, kenapa ada rumah anak yatim? Auntie dan Uncle diorang mana? Tak sayang diorang ke? (translation : “Then, why are there orphanages? Where are their uncles and aunts? They don’t love them (the orphanse)?”) I sat down, looking at my son’s upturned face. Why are there orphanages? Where are their families? Then I tried to imagine the worst case scenario – me dead, my family refuse to take him in, me die, he goes to orphanage. My eyes welled with tears and I engulfed him in a fierce hug. Oh my son, if only you know how much I love you, I would fight off the Angel of Death myself if I am allowed to do so.. so that I can go on taking care of you! But that would be close to blasphemous *God, I hate that word* 

What would happen if the worse case scenario happens? How would it be for my lovely boy? Would he be alright? Would he grow up to be someone full of anger and hatred? Or would he grow up to be someone devoid of love? Or the opposite –  someone who is full of understanding and love? Someone who is sympathetic? Someone who is able to understand why it all happened to him and in return, able to help others? My mind drifted to the orphanage. What sort of kids they are? What kind of future they have? Would they grow up to be a group of people who are able to help others just as they’ve been helped before? Would they be strong-willed, independent and can play a role in the society? Or would they be the sort of people who are envious, vengeful, angry and hateful – hateful to those who are not subjected to the misfortunes befallen them? 

I looked at my boy… as I look at him now, playing with colors and drawing block, and my heart goes out to him. He needs to see that no matter how bad life treats us, how bleak the days seems to be, life must go on.. and God is up there to guide us, to help us. He needs to learn that being on the fortunate side of society, he has a role to play to show the less unfortunate that they aren’t forgotten. That there are people who care.. And there is still love in this world permeated with man-made calamity, hurt and anger… there are still wild flowers in the barren field of men’s troubled heart to lend their lingering sweet scents…