It’s A Choice, Dangit!

Common definition stated that if you have never had sex with a member of the opposite sex, then you are indeed a virgin. Medically, if your hymen is intact, you are indeed a virgin. This is true for women, however men have no barometer what so ever to determined their virginity – if anything, if he had sex before, he would be “experienced” man. But no mention on virginity – no torn hymen or busted balls to prove they had done the deed. A woman who has her hymen torn are considered “less valuable” compared to a woman who has – regardless whether the hymen was torn due to sex, horse-riding, accident or naturally thin or non-existent. In this modern era, however, torn hymen can be caused by a number of tool – penis, dildos, fingers, baseball bat – even animal’s penis! Apart from that, some argued that virginity has more meaning rather than inserting penis (and what ever else in your mind) into vagina.

Most men I met and worked with insisted that their wives must be a virgin or that the women whom their relatives want to marry must one too. They said women owed it to them to be “pure” and “untouched” – it is their birthright. No one likes used materials. No body would eat apples with holes. Nevertheless there are also those who don’t mind experienced women to be their better halves. They thrived on the experiences their partner has, enjoying the skills acquired. Quite a few men I met are immediately interested with me once the knowledge that I am a divorcee reached them. Interest for the obvious. They want to reap the experience a woman has – and for some men, they believe they deserved experienced women as they have no time to teach and handle first-timer.

Many people who feel strongly about either side of this issue often make much of what a lover “owes” their partner. But for women do they have a choice? YES, I say. It’s not about what your partner wants or thinks you owed them – it is of what you owe YOURSELF. Why is it so important for others whether we should keep it or lose it? And these strangers are those who don’t matter in your life, some you haven’t even met! Why we should feel we owed anyone anything? We owe to ourselves what we want to be – a virgin or not – and to honestly believe that neither is dirty nor less loved or less able than the other. To say that you owe it to your partner turns a beautiful thing sexuality is into a binding obligation, a work or a job that you have to do for other’s benefit, and not to mention the damage result in low self confident in your own sexuality.
A woman should be allowed to be in touch wither inner-self – the want and need she should be experiencing. To feel like she owes other the very thing she should be experiencing freely is like slavery. She should be allowed to choose if she wants to lose her virginity – when and with whom – when she feels ready and able to judge on her free will and able to take responsibility of her action, and if she so desired to remain a virgin she must not be pressurised into thinking that she must lose her virginity simply because everybody else is doing it. No woman should be told whether or not she should lose or keep her virginity simply because somebody believes that her virginity is belong to him.

Therefore sex education is vital to give direction to women to learn, and to decide what is best for her and her body. To simply losing one virginity blindly and without guidance on her sexuality just because one feels it is her right is also a folly – especially for teenagers. Much knowledge must be learnt before taking such a deep plunge. Nevertheless, those who erred must not be shunned and frowned upon. Most often they are being tricked and pressurised into giving up their virginity. They need understanding and love, not jeer and contempt.

sorry for the long postings.. just need to let it known that being a virgin or not should be a choice of the woman herself